Resilience

Modern life is stressful in many ways and throughout this pandemic we have heard a lot of talk about the need for emotional resilience. Often described as the capacity to bounce back from fear or adversity, resilience is an essential quality at any time, helping us to navigate and adapt to challenges and change.

But what if we really feel we can’t cope with the difficulties - real or imagined - that we are facing? How can we develop the resilience we need?

Let’s start by looking at factors that make some people appear more resilient than others. Resilience is a personal trait that develops from our earliest years. If we grow up in an environment where good interpersonal skills are modelled and where we learn to communicate effectively and deal with emotions in a healthy way, that will boost our capacity to cope as adults. Feeling loved and supported while being taught good social values and self-reliance also helps build resilience.

But it’s not all about upbringing.

How we respond to threat or danger is pretty much hard wired into us through the fight flight freeze (FFF) response that humans developed to survive in hostile environments many thousands of years ago.

Our ancestors needed to know how to respond to threats from wild animals and other humans. Today our sympathetic nervous system - the part of us that governs our FFF response -  still kicks in when our brain senses that we are under threat or facing danger.

It is an automatic, lightning fast reflex that makes our heart beat faster, our mouth go dry and generates feelings of anxiety urging quick action.

Great if we need to jump out of the way of an oncoming car. Less useful if we are just stressed over a task at work or late for an appointment.

At its best the fight flight freeze response can take us out of danger. At its worst, it can make us panicky and anxious, causing us to over-react to little things and feel stressed, worried and tired.

What can we do?

First we need to know that as adults we do, in fact, have the capacity both to calm our anxiety and build our resilience.

Practices such as mindfulness and slow breathing from the diaphragm can prove beneficial, helping to calm our hyped-up nervous systems and counteract the FFF response when our brains exaggerate danger.

Talking to a counsellor can show us how these techniques can help us but there’s a lot we can do independently. Free phone apps such as Headspace and a variety of websites offer a guide to relaxation practices and tips on how to keep our mind on what we are doing rather than constantly fretting about things that may (or may not) happen. A simple start to managing stress is just controlling our breathing to make sure we breathe out more slowly than we breathe in. This easy trick signals to our nervous system that we are not in danger. Another helpful response to anxiety is making a note of what is making us worry. Looking at the notes later, we can see if concentrating on negatives and ‘what ifs’ is stopping us enjoying the moment and feeling relaxed.

Be kind to yourself and others,

Lynne